Today I wore a suit, but it wasn’t just any suit. It was this suit:
Okay, okay, okay – I realize it’s just a suit to you reading this, but to me it represents triumph.
I was a senior in college when I got this suit, at my smallest weight I have ever been, and also the unhealthiest. I was suffering on the inside, but was hiding it on the outside. I thought that being ‘skinnier’ would make me happier, but the route I took to get there was in no way healthy.
With an ‘undiagnosed’ eating disorder I wore this suit to my senior seminar class and walked in to that presentation knowing everything I needed to, but lacking the confidence to present it they way it should have. I was anything but happier.
2.5 years later I went to put this suit on for an interview and it didn’t fit. Still .. Not happier.
Last night I hesitantly pulled this suit out of the back corner of my closet and even more hesitantly pulled these pants on. THEY MOTHER-TRUCKING FIT!!!
Today I walked in to the interview for the promotion I am going for a completely different person than the first time I put this suit on.
An hour before my interview I got a call from my doctor (for those of you who know me or are following my journey .. I’ve been in the doctor’s a lot lately) my blood test results are better than they ever have been! She told me that whatever I’m doing I need to keep it up, because I am well on my way to healing myself! WHAAATTT!?
My head was held high and I was SO proud of myself for losing this weight in a healthy way. I feel 100 times better about my strong and healthy body now than I did about the one I had years ago. NOW I am happier.
What I want to leave you with –
Change isn’t always easy, nor is accepting that you need to change your own life and stop blaming other people.
Loving yourself and changing your mentality is going to bring you the happiness you desire. Reaching a certain destination (weight, age, career level, etc) isn’t going to magically make that happen – it needs to start on the inside.
If you want it and are willing to work for it, you can make it happen! You are worth it and you deserve happiness, you deserve to feel confident every single day, but it must start with you. You, and you alone need to make the decision.
There is nothing wrong with seeking professional help if you are overwhelmed by your own thoughts or if you are dealing with personal tragedy. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to me or a friend who will be there for you and coach you in your health journey. Whatever you may need to help you, it’s out there, but you have to decide to make it happen.
Day to day you may not see the progress, month to month you may think progress is so slow – then one day you look up and you are wearing the damn suit smiling ear to ear and proud as hell of that person looking back at you in the mirror.
Love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle.
Xx – J